birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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