We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
