cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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