i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
