I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
