perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
