i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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