Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
should my penis look like a turkey
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize