Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
