I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
