Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
