If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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