So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
