and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
