I hate all girls vehemently.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
