i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
