wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I think a kid would responsible me up
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You left your phone here
Wait...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
