your thong is hanging out like whoa
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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