Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The beer is more important than you right now.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
