Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
