The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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