I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
