He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
