I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
