let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
