He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
