He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
