His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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