i already hear my dad disowning me
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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