I want to stick my p in your. b.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Randomize
