Walk of Shame. In a state park.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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