I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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