when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
