oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
