how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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