we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
