Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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