Old men and throwing up are my life now.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
