i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
