There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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