I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
