i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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