Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
