Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
