i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
In America we eat man semen.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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