Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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