I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
