I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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