You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
