If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
