either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
