I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
