He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
