I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
